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MyRnAbS
05-16-2007, 04:04 PM
have lost a father. How do you cope with that emptiness? I lost my father 6 years, will be 7 in june, and my heart still aches like if it just happened. I was doing fine up until about a month ago. I keep breaking down, and crying all the time. I feel like he was the only one that really loved me for who I am. He saw past all my defects, and saw me as beautiful. I miss that about him. I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown because of this heartache!! I posted a picture of him on my blog, and now I'm feeling a little guilty. Did I do wrong? I just want him to be remembered and not forgotten, KWIM? He was a handsome, loving, and extremely helpful man. His funeral was beautiful, it was completely full. I kept telling him, "look daddy you died with dignity, everyone came to see you, because you were a wonderful man." To tell you all the truth, I too saw past his flaws. All I saw was this wonderful and huge daddy!! He was and still is my idol!! I just wonder sometimes why we have to go thru this sort of heartache. I remember him telling me one time, "we as parents must go first, we are not supposed to outlive our children." I remember getting furious because he had said that to me. I disagreed. OF course he had to prove me wrong, being the person that he was I knew he would someday, I JUST WASN'T READY YET!! Are we ever really ready? I don't know why I'm like this, I hate to feel so vulnerable. I read this at a funeral, and I believe it might be the cause of my current feelings and mood: "Because we die doesn't mean we are to be forgotten, We live on in the memories and hearts of our loved ones and friends, and that means we live on...." I just want the world to remember him and keep his memory alive. Sorry about this long vent!!! But thank you for reading it!! I would post his picture here as well, but I don't know if you all would be interested in that. Once again, Thanks.
:(

Vintagegal
05-16-2007, 04:11 PM
Myrna, I am blessed to still have bot of my parents, so I'm not the best person to answer your question. But, I do want you to know that I'm thinking of you, and hope that the wonderful memories you have of him will lift you up when you're feeling sad. I don't think it's wrong for you to feel angry for feeling that parents should not necessarily "go" first before their children. It's always those who are left behind who will suffer through heartache. But, as you can probably see it from his perspective, to bury your children would be absolutely devastating. Period. And, don't feel bad about sharing your feelings about your father. Never stop sharing your feelings for those you love. (((((((((((( HUGS TO YOU )))))))))))

GrammaStamper
05-16-2007, 04:12 PM
Oh, Myrna, I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. My Dad passed away 33 years ago and I remember him like it was yesterday that he was with me. The ache has subsided for a long time now, and what is left is all of the good things and the funny things I remember about him. I remember thinking I would never have another baby because he wouldn't be here to see it, but, I did. I had two boys who never knew their Grandpa. But, I firmly believe that he is with me every day, looking down from Heaven and I talk to him whenever I want to (as long as I'm alone). When you talk to what appears to be yourself, you can be looked at rather strangely. So, keep remembering him, talk to him, tell him how your day went. It will get easier, I promise.

MyRnAbS
05-16-2007, 04:24 PM
I want to thank you girls so much for making my day a little better. I just don't know what came over me!! I'm doing a little better now. It must be your good thoughts and prayers that are helping me. Thank you...thank you....thank you!!!!

hutchink
05-16-2007, 04:32 PM
Oh Myrna, my DH lost his Dad 15 years ago in March! He has never gotten over losing him! My kids have never got to meet there grandpa and either have I! I agree with Barb- you need to talk to him and feel his spirit around you! I do this with my Gram. I miss her so so much and it has be 21 years! I will pray that you find the strength to get passed this rough time!

~K

micemom
05-16-2007, 04:50 PM
Myrna, it will be a year on the first of June that I lost my dad and 13 months after losing my mom. So right now for me with Mother's day and Father's day its kind of a double wammy. I don't think you ever get used to losing a parent because you just always thought they would be there. I still have crying days and mad days but as time goes on, I am starting to look at pictures and remembering the good times and the vacations and funny things about both my mom and dad. This helps me and maybe will help you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. They are always with us even if not in the flesh because they live in our hearts and dreams.

Jean

MyRnAbS
05-16-2007, 04:53 PM
Myrna, it will be a year on the first of June that I lost my dad and 13 months after losing my mom. So right now for me with Mother's day and Father's day its kind of a double wammy. I don't think you ever get used to losing a parent because you just always thought they would be there. I still have crying days and mad days but as time goes on, I am starting to look at pictures and remembering the good times and the vacations and funny things about both my mom and dad. This helps me and maybe will help you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. They are always with us even if not in the flesh because they live in our hearts and dreams.

Jean
Jean,
OMG!! I will add you to my prayers as well!! Thank you so much for your kind words.

Everyone Else,
I'm so glad I started this thread, you all are giving me great advise, and for that I'm grateful!!! Thank you all, and may God Bless us all Always!!

cecescraps
05-16-2007, 06:22 PM
Myrna, I lost my Daddy(he was just 56) over 13 years ago but, I still think about him and sometimes miss him so much it makes my heart hurt. But, those times are fewer and most of the time my heart is filled w/ sweet, beautiful memories. My greatest regret is that my children didn't have the chance to know him. When I'm faced w/ a difficult decision or I'm really struggling w/ something I do talk to him and I try to look at things w/ his eyes. It helps me... but, every time I hear the song "Butterfly kisses" or " Dance with my Father" I just breakdown... I guess we will always be "Daddy's girls!"

Cathi

MyRnAbS
05-16-2007, 06:57 PM
Cathi,
I can totally relate to your story. My daddy was 57 well when he passed away, and I thought he was too young. Those songs are my favorites!! I don't know what the name of the other one I love is, but it has something to do with "daddy's hands" I love that song, because I have his hands!! I know that song is about other stuff, I just love that song. Thanks for your advice!!

inkinupstamps
05-16-2007, 08:05 PM
I understand completely what you are saying. I lost my father 7 years ago and not a single day goes by that I do not miss him still. I come from a family with 5 siblings. Dad always made each of us feel very special. He was a man who put God, family and country first in his life. I miss him so much and my children miss their Grandpa too, even though they are adults now.

Advice? Try to dwell on the good, fun, happy times, learning lessons, experiences you shared rather than grieving that he isn't still with you. I *TRY* to follow my own advice and I know it is hard.

Jennifer

Christie
05-17-2007, 01:19 AM
Myrna, my dad was murdered when I was 9. I still remember him and sometimes it seem like it was just yesterday he was still here. I'm 30 now and while the time passes you will always miss him. I have certain things that trigger memories and make me cry. The best thing is to just let it go when it comes on. He will always hold a special place in your heart and just try to remember all the good times you had. Unforuntley for my my memories are not plentiful since he died when I was so young but thank goodness I have 9 years of them. Just embrace life and think of how blessed you were to have him as your dad! Let the hard times come and then let them go. I'll keep you in my prayers.

MyRnAbS
05-17-2007, 01:26 AM
Myrna, my dad was murdered when I was 9. I still remember him and sometimes it seem like it was just yesterday he was still here. I'm 30 now and while the time passes you will always miss him. I have certain things that trigger memories and make me cry. The best thing is to just let it go when it comes on. He will always hold a special place in your heart and just try to remember all the good times you had. Unforuntley for my my memories are not plentiful since he died when I was so young but thank goodness I have 9 years of them. Just embrace life and think of how blessed you were to have him as your dad! Let the hard times come and then let them go. I'll keep you in my prayers.

I'm so very sorry!!! I'm sending you a huge cyber {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}} I feel that I have so much in common with most of you ladies in here, and for that I thank God. It's a very good feeling to be able to relate with so many, and rely for moral support between all of you. I will keep all of you in my prayers as well!! And Thank all of you as well!!!!

mjbonoan
05-17-2007, 02:00 AM
Well Myrna I don't have to tell you what happened to mine because you know my life so well... but for those who don't know about it...

My dad died 10 yrs ago at 56. He died of pancreatic and liver cancer. My FIL is 89 and for so long I was angry because my DH had a father, an old dad and I didn't. I felt and feel robbed of his love. My baby brother had turned 11 two days before daddy died. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of him and cry, because I too feel like it just happened. I can remember everything that happened that day detail by detail. I think that the hardest thing for me, being the eldest child, is that I had to be the strong one for my mom, my baby brother and for myself. I never had the chance to let go, I always had to do it when I was alone and no one was watching. I ached all alone because I didn't want them to see me hurt. I still do it, and I still ache... Good ole' Father time has not healed my pain, it has not gone away one bit. One would think that 10 years is long enough, but not for me. I talk to him on a daily basis and I swear that on my long trips to San Antone, when DH is there and I'm here (200 miles away) he rides with me and keeps me safe. My brother has smelled him and I have seen him... He's come to me and talks to me and continues to guide me in the most difficult times of my life. Maybe I'm crazy but he's still here!!!

MyRnAbS
05-17-2007, 02:03 AM
I love you Mary Jayne!!! I feel your pain!! We have too much in common, I'm glad God puts us in the same path!!! I pray for you always, but you know this!!! :(

ellie
05-17-2007, 10:29 AM
Hi Myrna,
I was thinking about you...I have lost both of my parents. I lost my dad right after I had my first child...he was only 3 weeks old and I was 26. I lost my mom while I was pregnant with my 4th child. I still miss them and very often think how much my kids would have loved them...they were genuine kid people. My dh parents loved my children but only from afar...:mad: they never wanted to spend any time with them which, of course, made me think about my parents even more! Anyway, that said, try putting lots of pictures around the house of your dad. If you have a few favorites, try enlarging them and put them where you will see them often. I have recently framed some of the pictures of my parents when THEY were young and dating. It's cool to think about what life was like for them and the places they went...mine went to Coney Island in NYC and I have a pic. of my mom standing on 42nd street. I love looking at her clothes and shoes!
Everyday, I am so grateful that the Lord blessed me with parents that adored us and am also happy that they did not suffer the often heart-breaking trials of old age. I see my friend, who is an only child, trying to cope with her ageing parents and it's so difficult for her both physically and emotionally.
Well, I didn't mean to ramble but I hope this will help you. Have a great day!

Trapedinga
05-17-2007, 11:17 AM
Myrna,
Last night when I was reading this thread I was crying so hard that I couldn't respond. I'm a little more composed this morning. I lost my father almost 4 years ago to a horrible debilitating disease. I was never angry with him for leaving so soon (68) but I miss him every day. It was so hard seeing his declining health and in the end it was very quick. I remember the last day like it was yesterday, I can still see him lying there with all the tubes and such removed. He looked peaceful. I think he was ready to go before everything was removed, but we wanted all the family to be there.
Each day I look at his drawings and scuptures and remember what a great artist he was and how he could turn a simple tree bud into a work of art. Or how a rough rock pulled out of the ground could be turned into a beautiful serving platter or 2 bear cubs playing. He was a scupltor of wood,rock, landscapes and lives. He could give you the Botanical name of any plant and had visited every town that his students came from (he was a Professor of Horticulture at the University of Tn). In the end he couldn't even remember the house that he built. It was so sad. BTW he didn't have Alzheimer's, it was something to do with his blood vessels in his brain malfunctioning. Although the disease mimics several other diseases.
I miss him so much at times, like now while I'm typing this, but I try to remember all the time my sisters and I had with him and that several of the his grandchildren got to experience the massive bear hugs and the unconditional love that this man possessed.
Sorry this was so long, but I just had to get it out. I rarely talk about my feelings in this matter, but they just started to flow.
Sending big (((((((((HUGS))))))))) your way. It's quite natural to feel the way you do and your not alone.:nod:

Donna

MyRnAbS
05-17-2007, 04:20 PM
OMG!! I'm so sorry to have opened up a can of worms!! I am glad that we are talking about our true feelings, I just don't want anyone hurting!! We all share this, and I am glad that I found you all!! Thank you for sharing with me your wonderful stories!! Maybe we should make a circle journal, to write the stories of our loved ones? That way they won't be forgotten? We are plenty here to complete one journal.

BTW, I woke up this afternoon (yes I was up till 5am), and I dreamt of my daddy. We were driving somewhere, and it was him, mom, my two dd's and myself. I kept asking him to let me drive because I could see him extremely tired, but he resisted. He wouldn't hear of it!! The thing is that when he was alive, I would drive all the time. He wanted me to sit in the front with him, and I was sitting up there with him. I knew in the dream that he could no longer drive, so I suggested that we stop for the night. We did, and when we woke up, he was rushing us to leave. I noticed right away that he was still tired!! The traffic and the roads were horrific!! I was mortified to be in that vehicle. All I can remember after that was screaming at him to pull over.

My mother woke me up because she claims that I was screaming, and I scared her. I kept analyzing the dream, and came to the conclusion that he was just plain tired and sick when he was living. I strongly believe he wanted to tell me this, and he showed me in my dream. He knows I need him, so he made me understand. One time when he was alive he told me that he was tired of taking those humongous size pills. He would take 10 of those babies three times a day. He had a plastic anemia, and had a bone marrow transplant, and he was doing really good, until he got an infection and was given one more pill to add to that list. As soon as he felt better he discontinued them, and the infection was still there. He died of sepsis because of the infection. I believe he was just tired of being sick all the time. This huge man had never been sick in his entire life until the last 7 years. I remember he had to live in the hospital for like 3 years. I used to drive up there constantly to stay with him. I remember telling him once, I don't even care that I have to quit my job, I'll do anything for you daddy, Heck I would even change your diapers if you would wear them. I remember him being so proud when I told him that. My mother later told me that the reason he admired me the most was because of my will to have him alive. He also told her that even though I was the strongest and the one person to help all of them out, he knew.....that I would be the first one to breakdown if something happened to him. I DID!! He had many talks with me a little before he passed away, that make me think now. One time he told me, "I'm leaving you in charge of everything, because I know you are the one with the kindest of hearts. You will make sure your sister and mother get equal amounts of everything." In the end everything worked itself out, because I merely didn't give a hoot about anything, JUST about him!! All I wanted was him!! For an entire year I wore black, and I stayed inside my home the entire year!! I cried for like 5 months non stop. My younger and only sister was already beginning to get worried. One day after that year, I just woke up and changed to the brightest red blouse I owned and went out to eat with the dh. Everyone was so happy! I just did it for them. I just knew I had to move on because I had my two girls, and the rest of my small family. So now I'm back, and I realize that he's in a better place, where he is no longer tired or sick!!

Sorry for this long post. I just felt the need to share my dream, and it's still fresh in my mind at this time. Thank you all, and I love all of you!! You are in my prayers!!!