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View Full Version : SWAP rudeness at SCS



mjbonoan
05-24-2009, 08:17 PM
"Please let me know if you are still participating. If I do not hear from you before Monday, June 1, I will report you to the moderators as a flaker. I prefer not to have to do this so please PM or email me asap. If you no longer wish to participate that is fine--I would like to know either way.

Thank you,
Ami "

I joined a swap at SCS and this is the PM I got today. My swap is ready, but not in the mail yet, it isn't due until June 1 and as everyone here knows the post office is closed today and tomorrow. I thought of this as unnecessary rudeness. So my question to you all is: Should I join or drop it, I havenít flaked. I can tell her to drop me and I can host the Mexican swap here. What do you all think?
This is what I was going to respond to her, but I donít know... what would you do?
 
"As of this morning I had planned to participate, but your tone upsets me. So please remove me... I have participated in numerous swaps and have collected hundreds of recipes in this manner. I am not a flaker, but I don't like to be harassed or accused of things I have not done. The swap isn't due for another week and in case you didnít know, the post office is closed today and tomorrow, there is still plenty of time to send it, but with your tone I do not wish to participate in any swaps hosted by you. I too will contact the moderators if you choose to report me for something that is not true. You are very rude, you totally ruined my enthusiasm for this swap, you have no idea how much money and time I spent on it. I will keep it and use it at another place and time. Perhaps you should watch your tone and wording next time!!
Thanks you,
MJ"

mahodgman
05-24-2009, 08:48 PM
Wow, MJ, her message does sound harsh, but email is so hard to tell. I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt especially in email. If you really don't want to continue, that's up to you. Maybe you could just let her know that her tone offended you and see what she has to say. It sounds to me like there is something else going on that has nothing to do with you.

Nancy
05-24-2009, 09:03 PM
What is SCS, not us and I dont even remember a swap like that. I think this is what happens when you mix groups, am I wrong. Besides there is still time for mail - Nancy

iloveflipflops
05-24-2009, 09:06 PM
SCS is Splitcoast Stampers ...

Vintagegal
05-24-2009, 09:11 PM
Her PM sounds like a threat. I'd drop the swap like a hot potato.........

"If I don't hear from you by June 1 I'll REPORT YOU to the moderators..."

That's not ambigous. That's a threat. June 1st is a week from tomorrow. Is this person that anal-retentive? Jeepers!

shadoob
05-24-2009, 10:23 PM
You need to do whatever feels right to you. If you drop it now, then others will lose out too - not just her. If you stay in, you can decide if you want to share your views with her or not.
EIther way, you'll need to feel that you did the right thing...You can always choose to never swap with her again.

workin4stamps
05-24-2009, 11:12 PM
I would just tell her how rude she was, but still take the high road and send in your stuff.....

directmailscrapper
05-24-2009, 11:55 PM
I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. She may not be an experienced hostess and/or not realize how threatening her e-mail sounds. My suggestion would be to send her an e-mail that says your swap is ready, you will send it as soon as the Post Office is open and that it should get there in time. You could also mention that you found her tone offensive and unnecessary -- but I wouldn't dwell on the negative. You can then decide whether or not to participate in her swaps again.

LadyKat
05-25-2009, 12:27 AM
I am not defending ANYONE in this discussion. I belong to both SCS and Stamp Shack. I know the problems going on over at SCS concerning swaps and it has not been "pretty."
Might I ask you to consider these things?
1. What day was the swap opened?
2. What day did you join?
3. Have you posted ANYTHING on that swap since you joined?

Since June 1 is getting closer, perhaps the hostess is a little worried about your status in her swap, especially if you have not contacted her since you signed up.

I agree that her tone was NOT going to make her any friends and I would not ever join any of her swaps in the future.

However, I would mail in my swap contribution and (knowing me), I would send it the fastest way and send it so that SHE is required to SIGN for it. Obviously, when I get mad, I GET MAD! LOL!

I wouldn't even say anything about her tone. I would PM her, say that it is on its way and let the aggravation begin for HER, when she has to trot down to the P.O. to get it ( if she is not at home when it is delivered).

Nancy
05-25-2009, 12:43 AM
Little do people realize that the rest of the people may not want to swap with her ever again. Oh well. Stick with your friends here - we dont treat each other that way. - Nancy>

Merry4003
05-25-2009, 02:12 AM
Wow, unfortunately I would probably let my anger take over and say something I shouldn't. If I could be the bigger person, I would do what Traci said.

I didn't know once we signed up for a swap we needed to contact the hostess other than letting her know we mailed our swap out, I am fairly new here, and if that is something I should be doing, and haven't, someone let me know. I am still learning here.

Oh, and I kinda like making her go to the post office to get your swap.

I don't know what I would do, but that tone sure didn't seem nice or encouraging for another swap.

mjbonoan
05-25-2009, 02:29 AM
I will be very careful and make sure I don't join anymore of her swaps.

What originally happened is that there was another Mexican swap with a different host... we got an email about two weeks before the swap was due letting us know that we should not mail out the swaps (at that time I had not done it, but I had purchased what I needed). I think the original host got sick or something so Ami hosted this one as replacement for the first one. I really don't know why I joined over there, I hadn't done that in a long time. Right now I'm in four swaps here and that's more than I need! I had in fact thought of contacting Ami a couple of weeks ago and ask her to drop me, but then decided against it. So I guess I'm still undecided... I just didn't like her tone, and yes emails can be deceiving because you don't really know what the person is thinking, but she did sound threatening and the truth is none of us have done anything wrong. The swap isn't due for another week. She did send the same PM to a bunch of us. With Memorial Day, I have an extra day to think about whether or not I will actually send it out... I'll let you all know what I decided to do!

Oh, btw... I only have about 200+ posts over there and I joined way before I found the shack. She has even less posts than I do... so perhaps she is inexperienced.

Thanks for all the advice!!!

mjbonoan
05-25-2009, 02:41 AM
I am not defending ANYONE in this discussion. I belong to both SCS and Stamp Shack. I know the problems going on over at SCS concerning swaps and it has not been "pretty."
Might I ask you to consider these things?
1. What day was the swap opened?
2. What day did you join?
3. Have you posted ANYTHING on that swap since you joined?

Since June 1 is getting closer, perhaps the hostess is a little worried about your status in her swap, especially if you have not contacted her since you signed up.

I agree that her tone was NOT going to make her any friends and I would not ever join any of her swaps in the future.

However, I would mail in my swap contribution and (knowing me), I would send it the fastest way and send it so that SHE is required to SIGN for it. Obviously, when I get mad, I GET MAD! LOL!

I wouldn't even say anything about her tone. I would PM her, say that it is on its way and let the aggravation begin for HER, when she has to trot down to the P.O. to get it ( if she is not at home when it is delivered).

I didn't communicate with her after I joined... I usually don't unless I know them, but she didn't make an effort either. I usually only reply when PM's are sent asking questions. You are right, I should make her go sign for my package... great idea!!! I joined a while back, don't even remember when... it actually took me a while to work on this swap because I couldn't find any "Mexican theme" paper in my area (the entire South Texas) so I waited for the new Hobby Lobby to open in Laredo which is 50 miles away from me and I finally found something that "will work" as Mexican... my bff (myrnabs) is furious, she wants me to tell her off and drop out!!! I'm still debating.

loobylou
05-25-2009, 04:01 AM
Swapping goes wrong mainly thru lack of communication. I love it when a hostess sends an update saying " I have received from a, b and c. Still waiting on x, and y.
I can then send email back saying "mine will go postal Tuesday" or whatever.
If you pull out, you let down the rest of the swap group, who have done nothing wrong, but will be offended by you pulling out at the last minute when they have already spent lots of money making enough swap items for the whole group. Your reputation as a swapper will be tarnished- don't let her have that affect on you!
If you were offended by her words then don't swap with her again. I would certainly wait until you get your swap back before sending her a message suggesting a more tactful way to communicate with future swappers.

mjbonoan
05-25-2009, 04:15 AM
Swapping goes wrong mainly thru lack of communication. I love it when a hostess sends an update saying " I have received from a, b and c. Still waiting on x, and y.
I can then send email back saying "mine will go postal Tuesday" or whatever.
If you pull out, you let down the rest of the swap group, who have done nothing wrong, but will be offended by you pulling out at the last minute when they have already spent lots of money making enough swap items for the whole group. Your reputation as a swapper will be tarnished- don't let her have that affect on you!
If you were offended by her words then don't swap with her again. I would certainly wait until you get your swap back before sending her a message suggesting a more tactful way to communicate with future swappers.

Good point!

tojoco
05-25-2009, 12:52 PM
Mary Jane, when I join someone's swap, I usually do not send the hostess an email explaining what stage of the swap I'm at until it's completed and in the mail to her. Then I'll usually email her and tell her to be expecting it. When I host a swap, as hostess I do make a point of communicating with my swappers every couple of weeks giving them gentle reminders of when the swap is due, how much time is left and who I received swaps from and who I'm waiting on. I really expect a response from the swappers I'm waiting on to let me know their status but I don't expect to hear from them otherwise unless they do like I do and let the hostess know their swap is in the mail. I guess my point being it wasn't up to you to communicate with your hostess unless you wanted to let her know your swap was mailed; it was up to your hostess to keep in communication with you but not in the tone she used. Like Sarah said, don't let down the other swappers and don't join any more of that hostess's swaps. After you receive your swap is when you should send her an email explaining exactly how you feel and that if she ever sent another threatening email to you that you would do the same thing to her about her nasty emails to participants. Good Luck and oh yes, make her go to the post office to sign for your swap! That will really get her goat!

mjbonoan
05-25-2009, 01:56 PM
Mary Jane, when I join someone's swap, I usually do not send the hostess an email explaining what stage of the swap I'm at until it's completed and in the mail to her. Then I'll usually email her and tell her to be expecting it. When I host a swap, as hostess I do make a point of communicating with my swappers every couple of weeks giving them gentle reminders of when the swap is due, how much time is left and who I received swaps from and who I'm waiting on. I really expect a response from the swappers I'm waiting on to let me know their status but I don't expect to hear from them otherwise unless they do like I do and let the hostess know their swap is in the mail. I guess my point being it wasn't up to you to communicate with your hostess unless you wanted to let her know your swap was mailed; it was up to your hostess to keep in communication with you but not in the tone she used. Like Sarah said, don't let down the other swappers and don't join any more of that hostess's swaps. After you receive your swap is when you should send her an email explaining exactly how you feel and that if she ever sent another threatening email to you that you would do the same thing to her about her nasty emails to participants. Good Luck and oh yes, make her go to the post office to sign for your swap! That will really get her goat!

That is exactly what I'm doing... I'm sending her the swap tomorrow and I'm paying extra so she has to sign for it. As soon as I get the swap back I will be sending her and equally nasty PM letting her know how rude she was. I'm sending it because, like some of you say... I can't let down the other swappers. However, I will never swap with her again, nor will I join swaps that she is participating in!!

FYI... the only reason why I joined this particular swap is because we don't do many recipe swaps here anymore. What is wrong with me, I don't need to cook anymore... after the surgery I eat like a bird!!! :wacko:
Perhaps I can host a low-carb recipe swap... if anyone is interested please let me know!!!

tojoco
05-25-2009, 03:05 PM
[/QUOTE]Perhaps I can host a low-carb recipe swap... if anyone is interested please let me know!!![/QUOTE]


I don't know about a low-carb recipe swap because I could never give up on my pasta but I would certainly be interested in some type of a healthy low-calorie recipe swap.:nod::nod::nod:

LadyKat
05-25-2009, 03:06 PM
I did not mean to imply that you should have PM'ed or e-mailed her.
What I meant was this:
Usually, over on SCS, when someone joins a swap, they list right at that point what they will be doing. Like, for example, I list the stamp I have chosen to use.

IF I did NOT know what I would be using when I signed up, I would then post AGAIN when I did know. It's just sort of like letting her know I am still "alive." LOL!

If someone only signs up and the hostess does not hear anything else, they all get "scared."

Again, her tone is not going to win her any "Miss Congeniality" titles but they are "running scared" over there on the swap forum.

ccstampin12
05-25-2009, 03:12 PM
MJ,
I think you should definitely continue with this swap.
However, when the time comes to send her an email about your feelings, I'd keep it 'non-nasty.' Once you've written something, you cannot take it back.
If it were me, I'd keep it to the point and avoid anything that can look like you have gone down to her level!
You will have gotten your feelings off your chest, but you have kept your dignity and you'll come off smelling like a rose!
LOL
JMHO
Joanie

cindi
05-25-2009, 04:48 PM
That is exactly what I'm doing... I'm sending her the swap tomorrow and I'm paying extra so she has to sign for it. As soon as I get the swap back I will be sending her and equally nasty PM letting her know how rude she was. I'm sending it because, like some of you say... I can't let down the other swappers. However, I will never swap with her again, nor will I join swaps that she is participating in!!

FYI... the only reason why I joined this particular swap is because we don't do many recipe swaps here anymore. What is wrong with me, I don't need to cook anymore... after the surgery I eat like a bird!!! :wacko:
Perhaps I can host a low-carb recipe swap... if anyone is interested please let me know!!!

host away, I'll join in!
:)

Nancy
05-25-2009, 06:06 PM
I'll join- have to watch my salt intake. - Nancy

morgainegeiser
05-25-2009, 11:21 PM
SCS is having a major crack down on swaps due to a huge amount of flakers both on the hostess side and the participant side. Actually the new rules are far more strict on the hostess side than the participant side. I would think that your hostess is very concerned about her status as a hostess (they have to have the swap returned in 10 days, so no waiting on late ones) I agree she should have used "wiser" language but I assume she is just panicking like many of the hostess are. I am a mental health therapist by profession and I can tell you are truly upset, you should pm her and ask if you are reading her message correctly, maybe she meant something different than what you read - e-mail is tough, you can't see the person's face or ask for an explanation. But showing kindness even if something really makes you mad, tends to make you feel better and shows you are the wiser person in the exchange. Lashing out will just make her mad and what does that do to resolve the issue? O.k. therapist hat is off - good luck and I love recipe swaps and I am not sure I ever saw one on this site. I do all my recipes through a site called Cindy's and all she does is recipe card swaps and the cards I get back are amazing.

Nancy
05-26-2009, 12:29 AM
10 days -- that is almost like the credit card companies -- I have to worry about the mail getting there that quick, so that would leave out any international people. Oh well, it sure created a lot of talk. - Nancy

dancing queen
05-26-2009, 10:05 AM
The real rule of life here is that it should be about "YOU" and not about her. Ignore her remarks, mail YOUR swap in as YOU had planned, take a deep breath and sleep well tonight knowing YOU did the right thing.

mjbonoan
05-26-2009, 01:51 PM
My swap will be postal today.