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View Full Version : I need some advice - regarding a past friend



jazzypurple853
11-28-2009, 09:08 PM
I had a male friend that I was really good friends with. After I got married and had my daugher, I kind of lost touch with a lot of people , he was one of them, due to my anxiety issue. I've had people stop bothering with me due to my anxiety. He knows of my anxiety, so its not an issue.


Well anyways, for some reason I was thinking of this person recently. I don't know why. Anyways, I decided tonight to look him up on line, to see if he was as the same address as he once was. I think he still is. As I was searching , I came across that his father had passed away this past July. He was very close to him. I had even met his dad a few times, along with members of his family.

My question is , how long is to long to send a sympathy card? I was thinking of writing a letter, I don't have his phone number, I think it's unlisted, and the phone number I once had was a cell phone number, and he was having money troubles, so he got rid of the cell phone.

what to do?


Update

I ended up sending a card a a few days before Christmas, I included my phone # in the card.. Well today, I got a lovely surprise, he had sent a card back and I have his phone number. So now we can contact each other. He wants to get together after the holiday. So I will be calling him once the holidays are over.

cindi
11-28-2009, 09:22 PM
I would say it's never too late. You could even make him a thinking of you card and slip a letter inside. I say go for it!
:)

maxiesmom
11-28-2009, 09:30 PM
I say the same thing, you just found out and wanted to express your sympathy. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Cindi is right on.

jazzypurple853
11-28-2009, 09:34 PM
Okay, that is what I was thinking , to send something. I'll put it on my to do list this week.

cindi
11-28-2009, 09:51 PM
good for you Shelley, I'll bet it will really brighten his day
:)

Patty
11-28-2009, 10:12 PM
With the holidays so near, you could put a note in a Christmas card. Just a thought.

teabear
11-28-2009, 10:22 PM
It's not too late. My MIL died in September and we're still receiving expressions of sympathy. My hubby just reconnected with a dear old friend this way. I think in many ways reconnecting after a loss is the good thing that comes from difficult times.

mahodgman
11-28-2009, 11:03 PM
Can I offer another opinion? I don't think you should contact him at all. The reason I say this is that your husband could be hurt by it. Even if there was nothing romantic between you before, I think it is better to leave it alone. It is not that I think you are doing something wrong, not at all, I just think if there is any chance at all of hurting your husband you shouldn't do it. It is all about respect. How would you feel if your husband suddenly contacted an old female friend?

mjbonoan
11-29-2009, 12:50 AM
Hmmm... I (we) have a male friend. He's a brother to my ex-fiance. He moved away after his brother and I broke up over 20 years ago. He moved back to town about 8 years ago and we're best friends... he visits our home very often and actually stayed at my home to care for me after my D & C 4 years ago. I'm also pretty good friends with my exfiance... DH is very understanding of this and we've never had problems on account of this. There are no romantic issues... we're just good friends.

IMO... go for it, there's nothing wrong with being there for friends. You may both need each others friendship!!

jazzypurple853
11-29-2009, 09:19 AM
Actually, I'm divorced. So I wouldn't be hurting anyone, just trying to reach out to a friend that I lost touch with.

mahodgman
11-29-2009, 09:24 AM
Actually, I'm divorced. So I wouldn't be hurting anyone, just trying to reach out to a friend that I lost touch with.

Sorry, I guess I misunderstood the situation. If you are single, then I say go for it! I also don't think it is too late to offer your sympathy, and a card is a nice way to break the ice too.

jazzypurple853
11-29-2009, 09:28 AM
I do understand where you were coming from if I were married. I wouldn;t want to hurt anyone.

workin4stamps
11-29-2009, 09:36 AM
I think a nice "thinking of you" card would be appropriate. I'm not saying a sympathy card isn't--- but if you're not sure, you can just do something more general, but then touch base on it in your note.

dancing queen
11-29-2009, 01:25 PM
With the holidays so near, you could put a note in a Christmas card. Just a thought.

I like Patty's idea... perfect time of year for a Christmas card with a "thinking of you" note.

pesc
11-29-2009, 08:59 PM
You know, I would be sending something too... maybe you did think about him for a reason... he may need that little something. I say go for it.