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Glitterby
01-22-2011, 12:41 PM
Not sure where to begin but here goes,

I have been married for almost 7 years to a navy man.... he retired just over three years ago and took a job with WAste Managmet and was quickly promoted into managment. We have moved 3 times now in three years due to this job. He works 60+ hours a week and other then a bit of laundry he no longer does anything around the house. I am talking the man things . I have been left with all the bill paying, decision making, cooking, cleaning, errends, phone calls, and dealing with the rental property. All he does is eat , watch tv and sleep.

I never get to watch tv anymore as I do not watch the same things he has begun watching, we never have meaningful talks anymore even though I have begged, cried and even raised my voice. I deal with 100% of anything for the kids and I might as well be single.

I have tried so hard to be understanding to his demanding job hours and also his diabeties issues. I cook him good healthy meals to eat when he walks in from work at * in the evening. I make sure the house is cleaned up for him and the kids are settled down so he has quiet after his long day. I do my best not to complain and I try to remember that as a stay at home mom it is my job to take care of most of the things here at home.

But it has been forever sense he has offered to take me out for a meal. He never picks up after himself andy more and I am finally at wits end. I love him very much. He works hard to provide a pay check but that seems to be the only thing he feels he needs to do.

Am I wrong in feeling that as a family there should be more then just his paycheck? After all that is not why I married him.... If that was what I had been after I would have found me an old coot to marry instead. I feel depressed and alone.

Sorry to ramble but I am feeling so down today.

Thanks for listening to my whinning.

Carrie

Lori
01-22-2011, 01:25 PM
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

Paula Carden
01-22-2011, 02:05 PM
Carrie-sorry things are hard for you but I have no real advice however I hope things improve for you with whatever you decide to do.

Patty
01-22-2011, 02:13 PM
I feel bad that you're having a hard time right now. Maybe try to get to a place with him where you can really talk about things. Sometimes we just get in a rut. Good luck...hugs

jazzypurple853
01-22-2011, 06:13 PM
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. Can your try talking to him? Perhaps, maybe you can suggest to your hubby, that such and such a night, you and him can go out to dinner , or even order take out . Just to give you a little bit of a break cooking. Sometimes people don't like to plan stuff, but go along with if someone else suggests it.

cindi
01-22-2011, 07:14 PM
I too am sorry you are having a hard time. i don't know about you , but for me, when I don't get enough meaningful couple time (by that I mean just talk time, or even just be together & holding hands.laughing over something, just connecting) I start to get very low on patience for all things mine does.. If this sounds like what you are feeling, then figure out a way to get some of that time back, it may be all you really need.
good luck
:)

maxiesmom
01-22-2011, 08:46 PM
Wow, he needs to be reminded that this isn't 1950 and that husbands are expected to help out. I absolutely understand his working long hours. Sounds like you are working even more than that, and dealing with rental properties? Are you kidding me? I hope you can come to an understanding with him. hugs

cindi
01-22-2011, 09:03 PM
I actually have kinda a funny story about rental properties. Most of you know that my other half has apartments he rents..that is his income since the mill he used to work at closed 5 years ago. (thank God he was ambitious enough to work 2 jobs back then when he could afford to invest!!) anyhow. last week we put an add in the paper to rent the unit in our building right next to us.. so I am going to be kinda picky about who we put in there,,, any way he put the add last sat..and come Sunday the phone started ringing..I didn't answer it..and then I realized he wasnt either. so monday morning he said to me. that I was so much better at screening the calls and setting up appointments to show the unit that he would pay me to do it...so I guess I now have a day job!! lol. I love that he realizes my time is valuable and I deserve to be compensated..after all when I'm on the phone with tracey and I have to cut her off short..there must be compensation..lol..I am kidding there.. but my point is that he values my time & input..that is a huge thing..to be valued and not taken for granted..so big for us girls, and so over looked by men .
:)

maxiesmom
01-22-2011, 10:49 PM
to be valued and not taken for granted..so big for us girls, and so over looked by men .
:)

True dat! David was joking yesterday and asked why I hadn't at least shoveled by the back door yesterday. I was confused because it was clear, he had done it. I asked when? Before work yesterday. I laughed and said well I have to get up early to GO TO WORK so that I can go and earn money to keep my trophy husband in the manner in which he has become accustomed to! Thank goodness even with his ailments he can use a snowblower or I'd be in big trouble.

shadoob
01-23-2011, 12:24 PM
I too am sorry you are having a hard time. i don't know about you , but for me, when I don't get enough meaningful couple time (by that I mean just talk time, or even just be together & holding hands.laughing over something, just connecting) I start to get very low on patience for all things mine does.. If this sounds like what you are feeling, then figure out a way to get some of that time back, it may be all you really need.
good luck
:)


DITTO ... After 30 years of me doing almost EVERYTHING, I now do almost nothing and my dh does all the cooking, and most of whatever cleaning, shopping, and planning stuff that gets done. THe only thing I do is pay bills and I'm not doing such a great job at that. Sometimes we just need to work through it and TRY to get them to see that we are sinking. Goodluck. I know it's lonely.

Glitterby
01-23-2011, 06:51 PM
:v_SPIN:

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I just needed to get it off my chest and I can't really share this with my mom as she will get too upset with Hubby.

I so miss meaningful conversations, I have tried everything and even walked in and shut off the TV to try to get home to talk. But he either makes it all a joke of turns things back on me. He does not seem to want to see all I do for the whole family. I just need to be noticed sometimes for what I do and even more whe I go above and beyound... which I do all the time. I never ask for much in return but a thank you would be nice.... I get more from the kids in all things...help around the house and compements then I get from hubby. I know it could be worse and I hate to say this but even my ex did more of the MAN things around the house then huby does..


thanks again

Carrie:):):)